I love to share my family's misadventures and chaotic fun, even when the stories come at our own expense. I also need some accountibility for my latest endeavor. My goal is (most days) to create or find a simple activity or adventure (art, game, challenge, sensory experience, creation, field trip or simply guided pretend play) to do with my kids that I am entirely PRESENT for and ENGAGED in. Too often the pull of media or the threat of my to-do list or the promise of ...I-don't-even know-what gets in the way. What I do know is that I used to be fun and have fun. Simply. I used to be able to play. Life and responsibilities and stress have gotten in the way of just "being" and even when I am here...I am not here. My mind is on to the next thing I should be doing and my kids become the victims. I find myself constantly saying, "when I get this done, then I will give them my undivided attention..." or "as soon as I get that done, then I can feel free to play..." But the next day, there is something else that "has" to get done. Don't get me wrong...we do tons of fun stuff, go many places, have a lot of play dates, and have tons of toys. But something is missing...and I think it is ME. A lot of it is happening around me but not within me. I AM a creative person who LOVES to be a part of interacting with the world in a different way and seeing the world from every possible perspective, but I haven't allowed myself to do that lately...and I want to start by finding and DOING short, creative activities within my home. I strive to find FUN in simple things and want to relive life through the eyes of my children. I want the mundane to become extrordinary. I want to be a household whose children can see possibility in every direction they look and aren't afraid to act on it. I want life to be filled with humor and flexibility and fun rather than nagging, scolding, frustration, and disappointment. Most of all, I want my kids to see how much I love them and want to be with them (almost) all the time. I want to make the few hours a day I am lucky enough to actually spend with them to be the very best part of their day and mine (yes, even if it involves homework) and hope to be the source of some of those moments that become memories. I want to heal myself through my experiences with them and I want their smiles to melt away the years of built up stress, obligation, heartache, tragedy, loss, grief, worry, and endless striving. I have become serious, impatient, and presumptuous and have focused so intently on the destination that I have sacrificed my ability to find joy in the journey. I am always "busy" but never seem to do anything worthy of the lost time. There is so much out there I want to do, learn, and explore, but I have been sitting back accepting foolishly that I don't have the time to do it, learn it, or see it. Somewhere, somehow I lost myself. I miss the person I used to be...and I liked her! I believe by following the map my children are laying out for me, I will find her again. Wish me luck...enjoy the activities and stories that I will share...and be patient. I am a work in progress and pretty much dedrater (a made-up word that means really bad and kind of hopeless) with technology. I think you will find me to be genuine, creative, interpersonal, passionate, compassionate, and a bit sarcastic...but don't ever expect me to be polished or concise. I don't know how to do either!
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